I am a very private person. You may not think that, considering I blog, Facebook and Twitter, but it is usually only surface things. Nothing too deep. Perhaps I get a little bit deep when talking about God, but not about those deep recesses of the mind where only a few people are allowed to enter. It has never been my style.
All of that being said, I really need to share about my Bible study last night. I am doing another Beth Moore study. This year it is on Esther (which I always want to spell "Ester"). Last night was the first video night. It was wonderful. And then, it became very revealing for me.
All of that being said, I really need to share about my Bible study last night. I am doing another Beth Moore study. This year it is on Esther (which I always want to spell "Ester"). Last night was the first video night. It was wonderful. And then, it became very revealing for me.
Beth Moore was talking about how the book of Esther does not mention God's name ever. There are times when He is implyed, but He plays a more behind the scenes role. Her point was that we needed to study this book because there are times when we do not see God, feel God, hear God, etc. in our own walk. There are times when He is there, but we cannot feel Him or know that He is there. He never leaves us, of course, but there are times when we experience a "dark night of the soul".
She began to talk about her own experience with this. She couldn't feel Him. Couldn't hear Him. She still continued to read, pray and serve Him, but she was doing it on faith, not really feeling His presence.
That is where I have been the last little while. There are times when I feel Him so close. This is not one of those times. I continue to serve, pray, and believe without a shadow of doubt that He is there, but I have not had a strong sense of Him for awhile. Some of this is my own choice. Some of it is a God thing. After hearing Beth talk about it last night, I realized that God was preparing me for this study. He really spoke to me in the video last night telling me: "I'm still here. Just preparing you!" It was like a flood of emotions. I always cry a bit during Beth Moore, but I wanted to sob last night.
I don't know why I am telling you this. Perhaps it is because I want you to know that Christians do not always have it together. We are not always constantly happy, or feeling God. There is no special formula to help you hear Him. As long as you are willing to let Him speak to you and are seeking Him and His will, I think that is the most we can do.
She ended with telling us that God has a purpose for us. It is going to challenge us to perservere, to endure. We don't want to miss it!! I don't want to miss it!!
2 comments:
I wish I were going with you although it's probably not a great idea - the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law thing.
I really have no doubt at all that you are a very private person. Only Dad and Jonathan would rival you, I think.
The "dark night of the soul" scene is a terrible reality for me. It's not as dark as several years ago, of course, but when our senior pastor talked about "regeneration" and "revival" last week, I wanted to weep too.
May God send us a refreshing for our souls!
Wow...beautifully said! Your entry touched me.
I know those dark periods too well. And I guess it's all part of our learning process through life.
I always loved reading Esther...somehow she felt special to me :-).
I love these blog entries where you make me thinking. Please continue ;-). Even if you don't want to show it all..it's very inspiring you know!
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